When you’ve worked in a certain field for several years one would expect the daily ins and outs of that work to get easier with time, wouldn’t you?
Well let me tell you, that isn’t always the case. I might come off as self confident and cool (don’t I?) but handing over a commissioned piece to an expectant client always makes me want to crawl out of my own skin, I’m so uncomfortable.
When I delivered a commission to a client the other week I went through a roller coaster of emotions, as expected. The embarrassment of feeling like a child handing over their best crayon drawing. I kept looking at the door in complete flight mode, full of self loathing and shame.
Why do I put myself through this time and time again?! 😱
Why do I put myself through this time and time again?! 😱
And then…
The instant cloud reaching utter joy when the client seemed happy with the result. The relief! The hubris! The feeling of wanting to do nothing else for the rest of my life!
In hindsight I can say it was a TREAT to see my client’s reaction as he unwrapped the painting , although in reality I was too focused on not twitching out of my own skin to notice.
The portrait is of his partner Anna-Lena Brundin, who is a rather famous Swedish entertainer, and it had been ordered for her birthday. I suppose her fame might have added a tad to my nervousness…
I felt I was an inch from throwing myself off his balcony and then, just like someone flicking a light switch, his genuine smile and general appraisal made all the doubts disappear out the window.
I felt I was an inch from throwing myself off his balcony and then, just like someone flicking a light switch, his genuine smile and general appraisal made all the doubts disappear out the window.
I wasn’t there for the actual handing over to the birthday girl, but if she reacted anything like her husband, I should be fine 😅
So, after a nerve wrecking ordeal of a day, I left floating on air. And I’m very happy to have my work hang in my client’s beautiful seaside appartment.
Do you ever experience anything like this too or am I overly sensitive to pressure?! I have no problem with people not liking my art in general (I kindly ask them to bugger off and I get on with my life, true story) but when someone is expecting great things from me?! Well. Let’s just say there’s room for improvement.
If you’re interested to get your, or somebody else’s, lovely face on canvas, and (kill me with agony whilst doing so), reach out!
I don’t know if I can think of a better, long lasting present to give someone you care for. (And a better way to make an artist go from self doubt to hubris.)
If you’re interested to get your, or somebody else’s, lovely face on canvas, and (kill me with agony whilst doing so), reach out!
I don’t know if I can think of a better, long lasting present to give someone you care for. (And a better way to make an artist go from self doubt to hubris.)